Right now there’s a piece circulating from totalfratmove.com about how every sorority at Alabama cut two beautiful, successful, qualified girls from rush because they were black. It’s pretty horrifying for Greeks from just about anywhere for a few reasons.
For me, it dredged up some of the horrors of Rush at Ole Miss, though I have to go ahead and say I never saw a racist issue go on in my sorority. But there was an issue I faced as a sophomore, which now has been more than 15 years ago, but less than 20. I feel like I can actually write about it now, though there are probably folks who won’t like it. (Sorry.)
When I went through Rush as a Tri-Delt legacy with some impeccable references and family roots that went deep at Vanderbilt University, it was bad enough. (FYI, this is not to toot my own horn, but it is to tell you what Rush used to be, and hopefully is not anymore.) I was a National Merit Scholar, had played first singles on the tennis team at my private school (as well as other sports), had started the Fellowship of Christian Athletes at our school, and was pretty involved in clubs and extracurriculars (and I’ll be damned if I remember what all I was doing 20 years ago, but it was good stuff).
When you’re a legacy to a big house, the other ones humor you, then they cut you, because they don’t want to waste a bid on you, knowing you’ll go somewhere else.
Well, the fun part is that there was a houseboy at Tri-Delt that I knew and he wasn’t a fan of mine for silly high school reasons. So… I’ll never know for sure if Tri-Delt would have pledged me without his input, but post-Rush chatter let me know enough to know that I would never wear the blue and gold of my grandmother, my mother, and my sister’s sorority at least in a large part because I knew the wrong guy.
Come sophomore year, I was writing for the student paper. I had pledged the one sorority that thought I was worth risking a bid, because as they had talked to me during Rush, they thought I “didn’t seem like a Tri-Delt.” Ultimately, they were right, and I’m very grateful for them. It ended up being a very good place to be, and an experience I’ll treasure parts of forever. Some of the greatest friends in my life are my sorority sisters, and I am just so thankful that they saw something in me worth keeping. That definitely bred a deep loyalty in me when others were telling me just to drop out of Rush and go through and try for Tri-Delt again next year.
No way, I said. They wanted me, so I’d be honored to be a part of their chapter.
Anna, the editor of the Daily Mississippian that year was also in my sorority, and she wasn’t afraid of much. During Rush, she asked me to write an editorial (then called, “As I see it”) about Rush. I agreed.
The day I wrote that editorial, which Anna had planned to come out after Rush was over, some girls in my sorority lied to chapter advisors about a girl who was a close friend of mine, and the roommate of one of my sorority sisters. They said that my friend had made terrible statements about our organization, and that she must be cut because she had been disrespectful.
She’d never said anything bad about us. All she wanted was to be in our sorority, but these girls didn’t like her for really shallow, silly reasons.
Instead of voting about it in chapter meeting like was procedure, her roommate and I were called in to some meeting that was, if I remember correctly, a mixture of advisors and actives. We were told that she had already been cut, and that there was nothing we could do about it. We both knew immediately exactly who had said the things we were told.
So I was writing this editorial Anna had asked for with these things fresh in my head.
The archives from the Daily Mississippian in 1994 are not online, but I wrote something born of the frustration of cutting Lisa, and very little to do with my experience with Tri-Delt except for the fact that I knew what it was like to be a heartbroken freshman. It said something to the effect of, “If you think the rejection is hard, if you think it’s the end of the world to know that the sorority you’ve dreamed of since you were a kid doesn’t want you, let me tell you the other side is a bloody nightmare. Imagine a situation where you can’t save your friends when someone else doesn’t like their shoes, or their belt isn’t the right designer.”
So unfortunately during all this, Anna had a trip to Israel planned, and she flew off into the wild blue yonder. Whoever was in charge in her place ran that editorial on PREF NIGHT. Yes, you heard me right. It came out on PREF NIGHT.
Pref night, for y’all who aren’t Greek, is the day when everyone goes to the final parties and chooses which sorority or fraternity they want to join. My saving grace is that there was no name on the editorial, just initials, but of course, my sorority knew exactly who “TA” was. I had the president knocking on my door at about 7 a.m., and I was dragged into another meeting full of advisors and actives and told that I could be kicked out for what I’d written.
I don’t remember saying a lot, but the part I do remember is that I told them that Anna had said it wouldn’t run until Rush was over. Of course, nobody could get her on the phone because she was in Israel, so they pretty much accused me of making that up. Then I remember telling them that she had asked me to write it. Again, nobody really was buying that.
Then I remember I said, “Well, I’ve been a journalist a lot longer than I’ve been in a sorority, so I guess y’all will have to do what you think is best.”
In the end, I was lucky. I was told to write a letter to every sorority in Panhellenic and apologize for my poor judgement and whatnot. Then I was told I couldn’t participate in Pref night (oh no. Because Rush is so fun.).
But you know what was interesting about those letters that I wrote? I got back so much positive feedback. While members of my own house and Panhellenic gave me hell for quite some time about it (though my roommate Kathryn and several other loyal friends stood up for me like champs), the Tri-Delts wrote me a beautiful note. I wish I still had it.
It said something to the effect of, “We read your editorial out loud in chapter meeting, and we all stood up and applauded. You were exactly right, and we’re glad someone finally said it. Also, we hope that you will forgive us for any hard feelings from last year’s Rush.”
I have often contrasted the reaction of the different houses, but particularly my own sorority versus the one that rejected me. They weren’t the only chapter who graciously accepted my apologies, and overall, I count it a pivotal moment in my growth both as a Greek and as a journalist. I definitely learned a lot about being both through that experience.
I did hear from people who went through Rush that year, and reading my column actually helped them as they tried to figure out what to do on Pref night, and as they nursed their broken hearts, and as they learned that maybe what happened to them wasn’t so completely personal and specific, but was part of a flawed machine.
In the end, I think the Greek system is like any other organization made up of a lot of people, especially teenagers and those in their early 20s (who are really just bigger teenagers): It’s going to be horribly flawed because people are horribly flawed. Throw in a sense of entitlement and grownups who can’t let the actives steer their own ship, and it’s a recipe for disaster. And it’s really hard to think of any other forum in which hundreds of people can hurt you without even knowing you based on things that are in no way who you are and you’re not even a celebrity.
But though a certain herd mentality is born there for the weaker ones, the Greek system also produces leaders and heroes, and frankly, people who find a sense of values from the things they learn both from their chapter, but also from situations like the Rush editorial.
I wish that some chapter on the Alabama campus would have thumbed their nose at their alumni. I wish I thought that just one chapter could have said, “You know what? We’ll have bake sales. And our parents are rich. And we’re not racist.” But when you’re in that situation, those alumni and those advisors are the jury, judge and executioner. And the worst part is, it only takes a few bad ones. I’m sure there are alumni of every chapter on campus who are raising hell right now because this is not what they stand for.
To the two girls cut by all the Alabama sororities: It sucks in ways many people can’t ever imagine, but by the end of this, you guys come out smelling like roses. I hope you won’t let this situation make you bitter, because there are probably a lot of people who fought for you, and if you paint all the Greeks with the same broad brush they painted you, you could miss out on a lot of really beautiful friends.
But on the other hand, nobody would really blame you if you did. Just know that in the end, the world knows you deserved a lot better, and chapters of every sorority all over the country probably wish you’d transfer so they could have you.
God bless y’all. I promise college only gets better from here. I promise.
There are things I just can't tell you 