This blog was originally posted in my Clarion-Ledger blog, “Boots and Badges.” That blog has since been deactivated.
It’s a little bit of a digression from holiday or crime themes, but here’s a list I’ve been making for some time in anticipation of this blog, and I thought I’d share it. It’s a good thing to think about when New Year’s resolution time comes around, though.
My boyfriend and I have this conversation fairly often about over-used phrases that cause us to wonder about the individuality of the person who uses them too much. Now, we all use over-used phrases (see “Awesome” in the dictionary and it will tell you that it comes out of my mouth every other word). But some people do it all the time. In the end, it’s often regrettable too. Think about all the people who hope fervently that nobody ever remembers them using the word “groovy.”
I realize as a journalist and a former English teacher, I am particular about the language. But I think everyone is particular about the things at which they excel or specialize.
In no particular order, and without further ado, here is your list of suggestions, and I promise that I will take them too. We can do this thing together. 🙂
1. Winning!
Why anyone would want to quote Charlie Sheen in his “I drink tiger blood off of goddesses” (or whatever) rampage is beyond me. If you hashtag it, you are not #winning in my book. You are stuck in 2011. (Which sadly has to be acceptable by my standards, since “awesome” made its debut in around 1900.)
2. Vaca
First, “vaca” can send me into a fit of blind rage, because that spelling does not say, “Vacay,” which is how it’s pronounced. It says “vaca,” which is the Spanish, Asturian, Catalan, Galician, Portuguese, and Romanian word for COW. If you are trying to shorten “vacation,” the root word is “vacate,” which means to leave or clear out. But ultimately, if you’re trying to shorten it, why? I just don’t really think it’s cute or trendy. And you’re asking me how my cow was.
3. That is all.
Why can’t you just use a period? “I like milk. That is all.” So what you’re trying to say is that the only thing that exists for you is that you like milk? Or in that sentence, you just wanted to use another 10 characters? And WHY is that all? And if it’s all, why are you on Facebook or Twitter telling me it’s all? If that’s all, doesn’t that mean that Twitter and Facebook don’t fit into the equation???
4. Amazing.
I’ve blogged about this before. Seriously, is your boyfriend THAT amazing that every time you refer to him, you must call him “my amazing boyfriend?” Is he a superhero? Can he melt steel with his mind? Because that would amaze me. The fact that he loves you is great, but for most people, it’s not really that amazing. It’s just awesome. 😉
5. Best. (Whatever). Ever.
You’ve seen it. And it’s often paired with “That is all.” Example: “Best. Vaca. Ever. That is all.” Here’s the thing: The punctuation is understandable, so I can give you a bye on that, but when you use that phrase for everything, I kind of think you’re into hyperbole. There’s no way you have the best cow ever.
6. Epic fail.
When I see someone post, “Epic fail, Mom!” on a picture of burned cookies, it makes me certain they really don’t know what “epic” means. According to dictionary.com, the closest I can find to what you’re trying to say is “heroic; majestic; impressively great: of unusually great size or extent,” and I really rarely see it used in any capacity that applies to any of that. But the day your mom heroically burns the cookies, let me know.
7. Keep Calm and (Whatever).
According to http://www.keepcalmandcarryon.com/history/, in late 1939 after the outbreak of the war, the Ministry of Information was appointed by the British Government to design a number of morale boosting posters that would be displayed across the British Isles during the testing times that lay ahead.
Little did they know that EVERYONE would recreate that poster to say whatever they wanted it to, then post them on the internet and forward them around ad nauseam. For instance, “Keep Calm and Add Butter.” *sigh*
8. Wow. Just wow.
Does this make anyone else’s head hurt? It just feels like, “That is all.” Just, that is all.
9. That moment when…
I guess I twitch at this one for a nerdy reason: It’s always a sentence fragment. “That moment when you realize there’s no point in this sentence.” Well… WHAT ABOUT THAT MOMENT? WHAT HAPPENS AT THAT MOMENT!?!?!?!? Sorry. I guess I’m having a hard time Keeping Calm.
10. Well-played, (Whoever), well-played.
It was cool the first 900 million times I heard it, but after a while it got pretty old. See most recently, “Well-played, Mayans…”
11. SMH/ IKR/ IMHO.
I know it’s because I’m a journalist and a former English teacher, but if you can’t spell it out, do you need to be saying it? Plus, really… “I know, right?” is pretty contradictory. It’s like saying, “I’m sure, aren’t I?”
12. Obvi/ Obvs/ Cray-cray/ Detes/ Totes…
People who use these abbreviations are pretty sure they sound trendy, and I’ll admit, “Cray-cray” is funny to use when referring to an ex, but… “totes” are bags. I don’t even know what “detes” are when you tell me to send them to you or ask me for them. And “obvs” or “obvi?” I don’t know what to say to that. Worst. Habit. Ever.
13. Just sayin’.
This one is the crown jewel in my list of things to eliminate in 2013, which is why I saved it for last. People say something, then say, “Just sayin’,” as if it makes it okay that they’re saying it. As if putting “just sayin’,” or “IJS” (ugghhh!!!) on something makes it okay to be opinionated or rude. It’s seen often in Facebook statuses. “Some neighbors need to keep their dogs locked up if they know what’s good for them. I’m just sayin’.”
Well you know what? In many cases, you’re not “saying.” You’re posting, or you’re typing, or you’re tweeting.
And to have to point out that you said something you just said? Redundant again. What is the point in describing something you were obviously already doing?
Because right now, I’m just sitting. I’m just typing. I’m just blogging. I’m just having a headache. I’m just thinking that you sound like you’re being passive-aggressive with your “just saying.”
I am just signing off now.
That is all. 😉
There are things I just can't tell you 